Gee I had this frustrating conversation with mother yesterday.This is like reliving one of those exasperating moments that I felt as a kid.One of those ‘Damned if you do…damned if you don’t moments.’It sent me into a day long slump.
My mother at 77 years of age is dealing with a torn rotator cuff.I know she is in lots of pain.She told me if she can get operated on and well, she wasn’t going to do yard work like she did before.Mom and Dad have always been the most hard working people I know. They have done well financially not because of superior intellect but through thrift and back-breakiing labor as a retiredRN, a hospital nursing administrator, a master gardener running a small nursery, a staff sergeant in theair force medical core, a school teacher, a weekend barberand a beneficiary of the economic times in which they conservatively lived. I asked her if she needed me to do anything for her.Big mistake.
So she goes into this sermonette about how she or daddy never asked their parents if they needed anything done they just went over there and did it.The problem is my experience with her and him about doing that for them.In the past when I have taken on just doing something for them they get mad because I don’t do it JUST like they want me to do it.Whether it’s mowing their yard, raking leaves or power washing their sidewalks, gutters and windows, they want to stand over me and supervise every move that I make to their satisfaction.This raises my stress level just writing about it.
I was usually there when they did something for their parents.I know how the mood was.Nothing like it is with them.The thing is their parents never supervised or demanded that a task be done to their satisfaction.If they did it sure wasn’t obvious to me.Their parents were very passive and appreciative.
So the kicker is, just before she started this sermonette, she was ranting about how my sister’s ex-mother-in-law should be the adult and initiate the conversation with her grandson about his school tuition and books needs.Since he had already approached her about helping him out, she should go to him knowing that school has started.The grandson however does not want his grandmother, who is loaded financially, to know he is in dire straits, that he has blown thru his inheritance from his father’s death, he has lost his scholarship at a local college and he is back living with his mother.My sister’s son has verbally abused, mistreated and stolen from his mother with no apologies since his father’s death (which is another can-of-worms) according to my mother.
This just seems to me to be playing both sides of the coin.I didn’t and can’t confront her about this issue.She’s too proud to ask for help but too stubborn to admit error. She has done too much to help me out financially for me to add to her mental burdens.
I would be happy to do anything my parents need/wantme to do (asked or not).I am busy trying to finish my college education.I’m loaded down with classes and trying to make myself job-market ready by getting my degree.Thanks to my mother and father who are helping me financially accomplish this.
So what do I do?
