Another night with the same issue. I can never fall asleep because as soon as i get into my bed my mind turns to events past. I become anxious and stressed just at the thought of sleep. Will i be able to sleep? will i have a nightmare? will i wake up in the morning?

I know i am not alone in this. Since my world began to fall apart a few years ago the only time i ever slept properly was when i was with my ex gf. Even then it wasn't every time as i worried when she would dump me. In the end that happened so its been 18 months without a really restful night. The dr gave me meds for my anxiety and depression but to take them is too much effort. The sleeping tablets stayed where they were too as i got into such a panic at the thought of being forced to sleep whilst anxious.

I know all i really need is for someone to believe in me and stay with me. Every influencial female in my life has left sooner or later with the exception of my 3rd daughter who now takes on the role of carer. What a life for her, poor child.

I am so negative about everything in my world. It doesn't matter what i do it always ends in failure so after so many years i have stopped the fight against the failure. So yes now i accept i am failure officially. No one comes near and those who approach quickly turn and run!

There are non so lonely as those who build high walls and burn all bridges! Am i protecting myself from abandonment or am i protecting others from the failure that i bring?

what a comment for 4.30 am? no wonder i never sleep.

if you have read this far then thankyou and i am sorry for the rambling nonsense that is my mind

2 Comments
  1. Aswa 9 years ago

    you don't need to apologise on here that's the beauty of the Tribe.

    thanks for sharing 🙂

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  2. StillAdjusting2this 9 years ago

    The meds might help you be more balanced and think better. If you are exhausted, it only makes things worse. And seriously, not sure about failures, but this economy has alot of people depressed and anxious and feeling they are going to fail.

    I have difficulty sleeping also. I have read that the mind has difficulty with 2 things: understanding infiniti, or understanding nothing – like what is nothing.

    This helps me most of the time but not all of the time: I try to think of something that is really nothing. lol Solid black, like a moonless night, is the closest I can come to nothing. And focusing on my breathing in and out seems to calm me down enough to go to sleep. Try thinking of the night sky. If you see stars or your mind drifts to nother thought, just relax and let your mind go. You can't control it. Then go back to thinking about a dark night sky. Then focus on your breath. Breath in and breath out. Just think about your breathing. Deep breath in and let it out. If you practice focusing on breathing, you can learn to relax while doing anything.

    You know it's really ok to not be perfect. That is we are perfectly imperfect.

    It takes alot of effort to talk about how you feel. Thanks for sharing!

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