The weekend has been rough for me.

First off on Friday I almost got into a mini car accident, with myself and the road.. stupid snow!

I"m not going to lie that scared the crap out of me. I'm like I don't need this! I started crying and freaking out. Said lots and lots of prayers.

Then On saturday was a better day. A little out of it sure,.. but got a little hyper and crazy, which is good for me. I don't act liek that too often anymore.

Boo.

THen today, Sunday.. I had some anxiety attacks, mainly while I was in the car, driving.

It made me feel WAY out of it which sucks and is scary. I try to stay calm and breathe, otherwise it feels like something terrible is gonna happen and your worried your not gonna come back or soemthing. idk… NOT COOl!

I hate it sooo much. I am trying to face it head on and look into fear and go you can't affect me. but sadly it does.

I'm still working on it. and wondering how to overcome it. it's def not easy and i just want it to leae me alone!

My life wasn't this bad before.. but i know everyone has to have some sort of struggle, it's life. IT can make you humble and realize you are human. everyone goes through soemthing.

and if this is one of the worst things to happen to me, then really thats not all that bad.. but i just need to find better ways of dealing with this.

It gets so upsetting and frustrating. i've cried a couple times this weekend.

I know i'm strong deep down inside. I'm just trying to lift that up higher and higher until I'm above it and good again.

I thought i was almost there. and im slowly making my way out of this deep dark despair.. but a couple things/people set me back a bit this week.

I don't want them to rule my life and make me nervous or sad.

i only want good people in my life. who actualy show they care and love me and respect me and aren't going to give up on me !

I am a darn good friend and family memeber, i work really hard at being good. IT's alot harder to be good then bad. being bad is easy. not gonna lie.

I am trying to stay strong in my faith and trust in the Lord. I believe in him.

You may not. thats your right.

but i'm expressing my thoughts and feelings.

I know he brought me to this, he'll bring me through this.

I have to believe that!

I love myself and I just want to be my joyful self. I still feel depressed. and theres still snow outside.. blah.

I can't wait to move somewhere warm, but until then I have to endure and make it through somehow.

NOw i'm just rambling. hope you are keeping up.

anyways…. I WILL get through this! I WILL! So will you!!!

Love,

Stacy