Great so my oblivious siblings are all gone out for lunch and I stayed home b/c I’m scared to leave my nephew & parents home alone. My depression is back and makes me not want to leave the house even more. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. The demon sent me a message to my inbox this morning which ruined my day so far. I’m not his fcukin therapist! I’m so sick n tired of hearing about his problems and failed marriage. He can’t even talk to me in person about it so theres no way in hell I’m messaging him back! I cringe to my stomach everytime I see a message from him b/c its like I already know what its going to be about! How he hates my mom, how he hates his marriage, how miserable he is, how it affects him at work….and you think he takes any blame for whats going on? Hell no. He never apologize for what he does either. He’s lied right to my face, he’s dishonest, he thinks its okay to drink and drive, he thinks its okay to smoke "the green" behind our backs for years! And then tell us how doing drugs is bad for us. He leaves the hosue without telling anyone where he goes, he’s verbally abusive to my mom, he terrorizes us, he doesnt care about emotions or feelings, he doesnt take the time to get to know us on his days off, and as soon as his guy friend calls he leaves the house to run to his side and smoke up. He spends so much money on booze, yet still can’t get over the past. Blames his failed marriage on his kids, me in particular and makes me feel guilty for his problems! I want him to realize all the bad he’s done and that he isn’t perfect. How I hate the person he’s become and how no one is going to want anything to do with him in the future. I’m sick of going through this vicious cycle constantly and worrying about the safety of everyone else in my house every few months when I have my own problems to worry about. How many more failed attempts to reconcile are they gonna go through before they call it quits? My moms entitled to half, and I know he doesn’t want to give her a penny, hence why its taking so long. They say its better for kids when they’re parents are together no matter how bad the situation is, but in this case, I beg to differ.  The fact that they’re children have suicidal thoughts, attempt to run away, fear their father, have anger issues, thinks its okay to disrespect their mother b/c their father does, and make jokes about drinking and smoking up b/c thats what their father does.. means nothing to them! I hate this so much and b/c of it my depression is back in full swing.

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