My stomach hurts again. Logically I know that this would resolve a lot if I would eat only the food that I am supposed to eat and stop drinking crap like Mt. Dew. But I also know that this is not likely to happen either. So what do I do? I sit in my office during noon with my door shut and seriously debate taking a nap on the floor.

It sucks for things to hurt – it sucks when the people you love tell you that they are "tired of hearing about it." I honestly don't know if he said that because I don't do what I need to do to take care of it or what. But to me that honestly does not change anything. I don't talk about the stress of my job – the stress of bills I can't pay. The family I can't make happy.

When you don't know what to do next – what do you do? I guess that's kind of where I am. I have talked to my therapist about trying to do things for me – and not doing them because someone else told me to. So – to implement that – I guess I need to know what it is that I really want.

But it's hard to tell what I really want when at least part of every day involves stomach issues or a headache – or whatever else. When all you want to do is sleep – how do you decide what is important to you. Ok Sarah – sounds interesting – write about that. Not in the right mood today methinks.

December 10th I go see my GI doc – but I am a little scared that is going to turn into more of our debating and less of actually trying to solve a problem. But I have to try.

Just like I have to keep trying to talk to my husband. Either he will come through – or he won't. And if he doesn't I guess he can be the next in the line of people who couldn't step up when I got sick.

1 Comment
  1. MissDeBudlieAy 11 years ago

    i hear ya, i understand the tiredness. im convinced its my meds though the doctor said its the depression itself! all i want to do in work and in my fee time is curl up and go to sleep. so i often go to bed at maybe 7 or 8 pm and cry myself to sleep.

    the idea of having someone who understands? that would be nice, ive lost the only person who i can communicate with – my boyfriend. he's off doing his own thing now and i feel like i have nobody to confide in. I wouldnt dare confide in my friends. they dont understand. not at all! one even told me to stop being a drama queen and if i didnt stopbeing depressed she didnt wanna know. so then i took an overdose a few months back. nobody wanted to know!

    so i wonder do these people really matter? should we be stressing over them if they cant even be there for us when we need them? im not so sure anymore!



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