Since my last blog i wanted to thank those who commented. I'm trying to take in the nice things but that part has never been easy. I'm not trying to dismiss any of it, it's just hard when the actions of others contradict what is said. I'm tired of being alone and most of my friends are married or if they're not, are moving on with their lives and are super busy. My ocd has also driven them away much of the time as well and I fear it may happen on this site as well.
Many of you may not know but my ex husband divorced me because of my ocd. It became too much for him. He didn't want to research it or help or even be patient and accepting. I felt alone and ashamed and his actions will haunt me the reast of my life. He instead decided to turn his parents on me which wasn't fun at all. He has later on admitted that he should have been more patient with me but he has since moved on with his life. I don't want him back anyway.
I just see no point in trying anymore. Even if I fight and fight to get better, all it will take is one flare up, one panic attack, one moment of thoughtlessness and the ones I love will be gone forever. And since outside of a labotomy there's no cure for ocd, I have to live with that. I'm literally a walking time bomb who's about to suffer a serious relapse. I can't stop crying and I can't stop thinking that this will be my life: stuck to a computer alone living with my parents watching my life slip away. I'm sorry to be a burden but this is where I'm at. So much potential but never given a chance.