I still never quite sure knew what started my anxiety or why I get it exactly. All I knew was, I couldnt live like this anymore. I knew I was avoiding the One and only that could make me feel better…God. I had always been a Christian. But things had gotten rough for me that past few months and I guess I was mad at him, eventhough I didnt want to admit to it or even acknowledge Him. Bc I know its not right. When I started having the anxiety, I ignored it and just tried to live with it. eventually it got worse. I felt abnormal and going crazy. I fought it. At the end, I refuse to let it win. I dont want to fight it, i dont want to live with it, and I dont want to get use to it. I knew it was time for me to face God with embarassment and say IM SORRY.
Im sorry I ignored you. Im sorry i blamed you. Im sorry I have been so rude. Please forgive me…forgive me for running the other way. How could I ever think I could live without you. I trust you and have faith in you. So, pleaseeee God help me. Help me be strong, help me be healthy, help me have peace. I know you will help me so, I promise to do my part and make some changes. thank you God for always being there when I wasnt, thank you for forgiving me and always loving me. im so sorry again. 🙁 in jesus's name i pray, amen.
I then, decide to cut down my nightly wine drinking to the weekends. i dont drink alot at all. but i felt how often, might of been just making everything worse. I was drinking about two glasses of wine a day at night before going to sleep. I didnt get drunk, but it became a habit. Drink to relieve stress. Everyday was stressful all of a sudden. lol
I just thought that it might not be good for me when I have been feeling so down about the anxiety. I thought it would be healthy to face the stress. And deal with it and to learn to resolve whatever was bothering me before going to sleep and not to let it build up.
I decided to start exercising again. So, i have been running a mile once a day. ugh! LOL
I pray everyday, went back to church, andTRY to read the Bible. (being honest)
So far, i feel much better and finally feeling some peace and calm. I am feeling confident and trusting of God. I just need to have 100% faith…he will help me bc no one else loves me most and no one else knows how i feel, really! only he does.
i feel him, i do. it makes me so happy i want to cry, but i am so ashamed as well bc i am NOT perfect and I know it will take a while before I start shaping up, but I feel good that at least i try.
I was going to get rid of my anxietytribe account, but I started to think that I could maybe, somehow touch someone else. I know how horrible it feels to have anxiety. i would love to help anyone feel better. So, I decide to write this blog, hoping that it would help someone else. It doesnt hurt to try. maybe, God put me here to help someone. I know I have made a friend here who has helped me figure out my feelings and also this friend has touched me deeply. Bc when i had no where to run or hide and no one else understood me, i felt i was drowning and nobody could help me. And I kept thinking why? I was so scared and thought I was going to fall deeper with the anxiety and be stuck! I was soooo scared. This friend didnt scare me and they were so friendly…..I pray for you every night bc I hope that God puts peace in your heart. Thank you friend. You helped me when no else knew how. you comforted me when no else could. We were meant to meet. Thank you.
Now, i take it day by day. I remeber to breathe and stop holding my breath. I pray and get strength. 🙂 I run and have kept my promise to not have wine till the weekend. I feel great so far. Baby steps. Soon, i will take bigger risks and make it. Anxiety wont even cross my mind. bc it is stupid, its all in my head. But i am strong now. i will continue to trust in God.
Thank you all who have befriended me and have been nice to me and have not caused me any drama and has been sensitive to my story. positive feedback and friendships helps me know I should continue being here.
have faith because our daddy loves us. 😉