Im 13 and I live in Utah.
For all that know, Utah is a very religious state. This is hard for me to make friends because I am Pansexual. That means that I am attracted to any race, color, gender, you name it. I always think that if the truth came out about me then no one would want to be my friend because Mormons do not like those who are LGBTQ+. I usually also don’t talk to any people because I have a very dirty mind and I say a lot of jokes. This often leads me to trouble and for people to not like me anymore. I recently had a friend who cursed me out because she thought I said something that I didn’t. I’m just so incredibly depressed and I feel like I’m pushing everyone I love away from me. I’m in therapy but it seems like it doesn’t help. I take medication for depression but it doesn’t help. It feels like in a hole I can’t climb out of. I need help but I don’t want to talk to anyone. I think about suicide but I know that if I went through with it, people around me would be hurt. I don’t want to leave this earth by hurting other people. I want to leave this earth happy and carefree, but it feels like it isn’t possible. Im scared to make friends because I know that the stupid things that I say or do will push them away from me. For those who just took the time to read my blog, thanks. thanks for caring about me in some way that some others don’t. Thanks for at least taking that time out of your life to read the thing that I poured my heart into.
I just need someone who is going through roughly the same things as me so I can openly talk to someone about it.
-Devyn
Devyn,
I’ve gone through the same stuff my whole life. I’m 13, bisexual, and I struggle with major depression. I’ve gotten so far into depression I’ve hit the place where I feel numb… all I want to do is tell my friends that I need help that I need someone to save me but I can’t, I get anxiety. It’s funny because I help people whenever they need it. I go through peoples shit all the time but when I have a mental breakdown in front of about 100 people during recess, no ones there. The guy I like is the one who keeps me happy but he also gets me so angry and sad because I want to tell him everything. I feel he drives me crazy and I don’t know what to do. I’m willing to go through and listen to your problems and help someone who’s in the same boat. You ever need to talk text me I’m there. I try to be in whenever possible, but I still have to hid it from my parents.