Hey there,
I need help. First and formost I am not intending to hurt anybody's feelings with anything I write on here and I'm so very sorry if I do this.
Basically, for the past year I've been confused about my gender. I identify as biologically female but at times I've felt strongly disliking my body. For example I particularly dislike my chest and genital area and at school whenever we do P.E I feel uncomfortable changing with the other girls.I did research on the internet about this but I went into denail about possibly having gender dysphoria or being gender fluid. As time has gone on I've had periods of extreme dislike of my female body and just wanting to be a boy; to act like one, everything but I also have strong periods of feeling very femmine and like a girl; loving my chest, legs, etc and generally being a girl. This had me thinking if maybe I could possibly be gender fluid but I have no idea.I would just like to know what is going on and clear some things in my head because this has confused my greatly and I would appreciate any help given.
The reason I am upset is because tonight I confided in a close friend about my feelings and she completely disagreed and told me to not be parnoid. In her words she said "I know someone in my family who is gender fluid and you are not." This really upset me because she rejected me outright without asking me how I felt and maybe I am just going through a phase or maybe not but this whole situation has been eating away at me and I would just really like some help to clear things out.
Again, I'm sorry if I have offended anybody and if anyone can help I very much appreciate it!
Thank you very much
~Becky
Let's face it…friends aren't always great listeners or knowledgeable advisors (although they may think they are). I know that it hurts for your concerns to be dismissed right off the bat. But, I don't get the impression this person deliberately meant to make you feel unheard and unheeded. Maybe she or he thought they were reassuring you, or maybe they have a need to be more “knowing”. So try not to let it bother you too much, in that sense. I don't think your candor is in any way hurtful to anyone… but I understand that concern…not knowing what battles any other individual may be going through. Idk! I think that your ambivalent feelings with respect to gender are a part of the great struggle, the ongoing, lifelong process of self-discovery. As a woman, I somehow believe many women encounter these feelings (at least I have). I really don't want to speak to the male perspective… I don't know personally about that. But as a woman, I say this is a process, an unfolding of the ” real” person. I do not know your personal outcome, I cannot predict… So many variables come into play, so many permutations of individual experiences and biological propensities are involved in the shaping and the “becoming” of every individual! But this is a part of life…I believe it is absolutely necessary for you to explore these feelings, in order to become the person you love and with whom you are truly comfortable! Never should you feel any shame for this, never should you feel alone in this, and never should you feel invalidated for pursuing self-understanding, self-acceptance, and growth as a person. The process must continue our entire lives… I don't feel one can cease to explore in some way, feelings and experiences, whether they be based on future hopes, past memories, or simply living in the moment, until the very essence of a life has gone.