I feel like every bout of depression/sadness is worse than the last. I am so tired of the lows. I have had ONE good day in 2014 and even then it seemed as soon as I recognized it, the feeling seemed to dissipate. Usually my days start out ok but today I feel like I'm already dealing with a low mood. I feel so lost, alone and weak. I don't feel like I belong at church. Who else deals with dark days 99% of the time? I dread seeing my psychiatrist Monday…I weaned myself off the Zyprexa but I felt it was a necessity, I was eating way too much and too often!! I can't seem to make him understand that. A new psychiatrist isn't really an option. None of them take insurance anymore (at least the ones around me). I can't afford–or really my parents–to pay out of pocket. I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore (I used to think the medications would be part of the light but they seem to do more harm than good). I am beginning to feel like ending it all is my only option. I know they say "a permanent solution to a temporary problem" but 11 years of the roller coaster ride??? That can't be temporary. I've given my psychiatrist over a year to help me!! Every time I see him it's another $ 55 and little help or hope. My parents and I can't afford to start over…I've already had to cut back on therapy (so much good that has done). I'm tired of suffering, I'm tired of holding on for others. I sure as hell am not doing it for me. The only reason I have not ended my worthless life is because it would cause pain, problems or I am too scared to take the steps. The pain is obviousI think. The problems: I am needed to look after the pets during the day. And being too scared that thereMIGHT be a hell…oh wait am I not already there???
I would go to the hospital if I knew it wouldn't cost an arm and a leg…I feel I have reached that point, yet again. I would hope I could to the"other" hospital this time. I went to the "other" hospital after my grandma passed. I stayed six weeks but I felt understood and cared for by the other patients (and I cared for them). I feel so alone…I feel I can't ask for help (it would lead me going to the hospital and that would set off another chain of problems). I need something, as for what I don't know…I wish some of the members here could give me a hug and say they gave a damm…
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Bout ready to shuffle off this mortal coil
MJDoe, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Career, Child, Depression, Grief, Sleep Disorders, Social Anxiety, Therapist, 1
"Who would be friends with me? I hate everyone and everyone seems stupid to me." -Randal Graves I am...
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Some of the unhelpful things councellors do
AloneForever, , Depression, Anxiety, Suicide, 3
i really thank councelllors for being there but wish they wouldn't do some of these things not beilive you...
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Read it and see….
virus, , Depression, Questions, Suicide, 1
We could take a minute, and compare the Medical Worlds success, on its fight to ‘cure’ Mental Illnesses,...
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11-13-2014
SapphireSteele, , Depression, Child, Obesity, Parenting, Religion, Stress, 1
What do you do when you’re told by your live in Mother-In-Law that the reason she is moving out...
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Judgmental people suck
BeccaSweet, , Anxiety, Depression, Teens, Career, 1
I’m doing the best I can in my situation. My choice of jobs isn’t for everyone, it wasn’t for...
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Faults
JipCJeanne, , Depression, Addiction, Anger, Career, Child, Domestic Abuse, Relationships, Weight Loss, 0
Fault! We, as the emotionally challenged,always seem to find fault in everything. And you can tell me to speak...
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Why another school shooting?
simsv50, , Depression, Anger, Child, 0
I don't know if anybody saw the news today, but there was another school shooting. I'm originally from cleveland...
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It's finally come down
snowdreamer, , Depression, Relationships, 1
Well, it's finally come down on me. All this time almost over a week of breaking up with my...