I don't think I have felt this way in a while. This summer I've been piling work on myself and constantly working and working… Im doing a university summer course and working full-time. I'm exhausted.. but I feel stronger. It's only been a year since my suicide attempt, and I feel like im just trying to catch up with life… I mean its crazy, but I feel like im able to move on.
And then this surge hits me… Like BAM!
I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be depressed… to be anxious. I had almost forgotten what it felt like to be suicidal. And from where I stand now, I can't comprehend how I used to be… how I got that way. And then I remembered that the damage that a person could do. Say… an ex-boyfriend. Well, hes douchebag to me now. But, I can't believe the damage he did, looking back at it, and why I didn't stop myself to stop him.
But now, I still look back, and I hope I never see him again. Because he was an as s. The damage he did to me, and my self-esteem was dramatic… and as a result I have lost much time of my life and I've become a different person. I'm very different. Maybe not the different that grants popularity, but I think im finally on the road to becoming me… my own individual self. I know its easier to say than do, but be proud of what came out of your life, and learn from your mistakes, and what other people have done to you.
I guess im just ranting, but… I just look back, and all I can say is that Im not proud of the life I had before.
But now, I can say that I really am trying in life now