hello to anyone ho's reading this blog of mine.

it's been a few years now since i last blogged here and many many things had happened but i never thought that i would be as messed up as i am now especially after going to a mental ard for a few months….that was two years ago.

every since then i have been trying and trying to BE normal…well more like someone who looks as if they won't go in there again. but last night i snapped, every depressing feeling possible had formed  black hole and sucked me in.

it was then that i realied i'll neve be normal i cant become normal, no matter what i try to do to achieve that, the more i try the less human i feel i've become..f u get what im saying.

anyay i thought of sleeping it off and rest never came….i think im on the verge of it again…so here i am again.

im not in denial about my mental stability but have come to recognise and try to deal with it rather than escape from it and let it brood till i really WILL do something. all the time when i needed help the most there was always a DT friend who would help me and lately i am finding myself not able to handle any conversation with her nor people i met through the net elsewhere.

its so hard that no matter how much i struggle the sea jst keeps sucking me deeper and deeper into its cold dark depths. i no longer have the strength to struggle and i feel that im at the limit and soon will no longer struggle as the boy has already gone numb and fatigued. all thats left is the end  that will embrace me.

raistlin

in a week's time if u dont hear a smiggen by then from me that means im finally at the end of my 6 foot deep journey.

1 Comment
  1. snowdreamer 10 years ago

    Honey I've come to realize there is no definitiion of normal for us for each of us it's different.  As for the suicide, please don't things will get better in their own time it's just not right now but things do happen for a reason and maybe now is your time to reflect and move on leaving the past behind.  I'm always  here to talk if you need me…please be safe….

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