To make a long story short for any potential readers out there who don't already know about my foibles/issues/whatever you want to call them in my cautious courting of a girl whom recently came into my life…(if you really want to be brought up to speed with it, here's a link to it I think: http://www.depressiontribe.com/forum/?user=gomizzou It's the one at the top titled "Failed to play it cool at the end", and you might have to copy and paste it. OR just go to forums and type in "gomizzou" on search. Oh btw, already wrote pretty much the same thing that I'm about to write here as a new forum topic–but decided to blog about it too for personal "record-keeping purposes"(hard to explain), and perhaps to get a "wider audience" for input, etc)
Anyway, to continue…I like her(I think) even as much as I'm trying to deny to myself that I do, not sure yet if she likes me or to what extent, have been exchanging small talk with her for the most part the last couple of months since I met her on Facebook(and we've still yet to meet in person, if we in fact ever do), my latest plan (as of a few days ago) in this exaspersting process that might very well be freaking leading to nowhere was to ask her for her phone # thinking I'm overdue for such a "big" move for such a variety of nutty reasons, but was planning on holding off until Thursday(again, this is all to make a long story short) to ask her for said #, but made mistake of going on her profile page just for the hell of it a few minutes ago, and was going to log off without sending her a private message ….but…on her page….I just saw that she is requesting donations for a charitable cause she is involved in…so thinking of giving a donaton, but…..my thoughts are all [email protected]#ked up about this, as only they can be:
…AM I really wanting to help donate to a worthy cause, or am I selfishly deep-down only going to make a donation in hopes of making her "like" me more? If I make a donation right now and THAN ask for her phone # a couple of days from now, will it make it look like the only reason I made a donation was to sleaze my way into getting her phone#?….Do I ask for her phone # first(on Thursday!), and THEN offer to make a donation(reagardless of whether she agrees to give me her # or not,(I'll say right now that I will give a donation even if she rejects me after I ask for her phone #….well, as long as she's nice about it of course)? And realistically, and to be honest, money for me is really kind of tight right now–honest to G-d it is–…(okay, not too crazy about being too open about my current financial situation, but just for the purpose of getting potential input on this forum, I'll go ahead and be open here)…have only about $150 to get by on until a week from tomorrow when I get a check for $850–so my point here is that, quite honestly, with funds being so tight right right now, I probably would not be making donations to ANY kind of charity right now in terms of it being a realistic thing for me to do from a finacial standpoint right now; but with this unique situation being presented to me, I will be willing to squeeze out a donation–like $20; I could still get by for about a week with what I have left even with such a donation–I've gotten by on less. But if I made said donation of $20, would she consider that "cheap", or "paltry", or whatever?!? More to the point, would she be suspicious that it's me only making a donation because I'm interested in her, that it might not really be my "true self" or whatever? Anyway, those are just some of the panic-stricken questions going through my mind right now–but can't think of the others I had offhand.
Thank you to anyone and everyone who reads for putting up with this crazines–hey, it's all in the name of battling depression on so many different levels here if you all can relate to what I mean. ANd for people here who might read this and who have read my previous forum that I mentioned above in which I elaborated on this girl, so sorry if I have yet to respond to your replies from that particular forum–still going too, I promise!
Added this sometime after original posting: Okay, thinking of doing this: making the donation, asking her for her phone # a couple of days later, and saying to her: "Can I have your phone #, etc. But do know that just because I made a donation doesn't mean I'll assume you'll give it to me lol"…how's that sound?