Well it’s now 1139am. My appointment with the psych is at 3pm, and I need to catch the 1pm bus into town. I’m soo incredibly nervous but I’m not going to talk myself out of it. I refuse to. I know I need this.

I didn’t sleep well last night. I think it was a mixture of nerves and feeling ill. Well actually the nerves were probably making me feel sick. I’m not sure.  I woke up every few hours or so. I kept checking my clock. It seemed like it was on slow motion. Ever have the experience of having time stay still? Well that was me last night.

I borrowed $20 from mum today. Just so I have some money to take in with me into town. Maybe I’ll get some lunch or get a hot drink. I need to settle my nerves somehow.  It’s bad when you have to borrow money just to get to an appointment. I feel quite stupid about it. Mums good though. I said that I’d pay her back when I get my next pay. I’m afraid that I will use the money to buy alcohol. I really shouldn’t. I guess I’ll see how the therapist meeting goes.

I have to go to the supermarket on my way home. Mum wants me to get something for dinner. She doesn’t know where I’m going, and I’d rather not tell her. I just keep telling her that I’m just “going into town”. Just trying to keep it as vague as possible. I don’t want her to know.  She actually offered to take me into town with her when she goes into work. I was going to, but then realised that it would get me into town way too early.

So I have my bag packed. I have everything I need. Well I think I do anyways. I made sure I got the referral from my doctor. If I didn’t have this I’d have to pay for it, and I know I couldn’t afford it. I might just check how much sessions would be without the referral as I only have a limited amount of sessions I can put on the medicare system.

I think that’s me for now. I’ll check in again when I get home.