Funny how people always mention that when there’s overcast type of weather or a storm is brewing, that it depressing, though for me it’s actually the opposite. Whenever there’s a storm or such type of weather, I somehow see beyond that and realize that there is a vast, deep blue sky above those clouds. Today, I was granted such a sight. There was a clearing in the storm above my home and I was able to see the blue sky. It’s kind of nice when a rainstorm moves in because it briefly clears all the pollution and you’re able to see a more natural blue sky. Just having that alone made my day better. I wasn’t feeling too well that morning too. It’s nice when the simple things in life can bring a smile about. Hopefully, today will be a good day and things work out for the better. I do hope everyone I’ve met so far on this site will have the same. A break from all the crap and turmoil would be nice for everyone.

I’m trying hard not to think of anything negative, but it’s extremely hard. One thing that helps is knowing I have some use to someone out there, however small it may be. I just need to remember to not immerse myself too much in this site. Like everything, I end up tying myself to it far too much and end up being hurt in the end. Things may be different, but far too often I end up getting hurt. I just want to believe so much in something genuine in life though it’s stupid and dangerous to have that kind of emotion in life. I was born a fool and will die as one as well. Deep down, it just seems like life is far too often covered in misconceptions, deceit, and despair when there are grander things about. I dunno about anything really. Maybe this will be my undoing. I’m just one giant fuck up when it comes to what I feel…. the words are a lie because they can’t describe it more clearly…. unavoidable.. I guess to try to make myself feel better.

I wish I could close my eyes and picture that blue sky the day I died. In my opinion, I had never seen a sky so vast and beautiful as that day. The clouds were like waves and the clearing where I laid on the asphalt made the sky appear that much more vast. It was the last thing I remember clearly before passing out. Maybe this depression will never go away…

 

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