Today I am wondering if I have bipolar depression again. I know what the symptoms are, having both manic and depressive phases hence the name, but i haven't found how long the manic and depressive episodes can last for and how often you are likely to swing between the two. I realise that in normal life you naturally aren't happy all th etime, and yes you experience lows, but I am now a bit confused as to what normal feels like. For the last few weeks things have been getting better and more stable with my depression and I have been able to enjoy life and be happy. And I thought to myself that maybe I have seen the worst of my depression – still don't want to say that though, as though it might jinx it! But last yesterday things started to bother me, and I decided not to let it bother me and ignore – but I know better than that, and so by the end of the day, I was feeling really down and like the downwards spiral of depression was starting to take a grip again – hence is this bipolar tendencies or just normal life bugging you and reacting normally? Like i said i am confused as to what is normal anymore. I am not even sure how to define normal anymore! The good thing about last night was that I was able to talk it out and explain how and why I was feeling the wa I was to my BF and he was really great and made me look at it from another perspective – which i really needed to help me put it back into focus, and surprisingly – IT WORKED!!! i couldn't believe it, 30 mins later and I am feeling ok about my life and myself again, and hence the question – do I have bipolar depression, because after my low, I was really high and laughing and giggling and just being more fun than I have ever really been in my whole life!
Well that was a really long blog just to ask – do I have bipolar? Thanks for reading this, and again as I so often put at the end of my blogs – well done for getting here! hope you are all well, xx
From what you've said I don't think you have bi-polar disorder (BPD). I am not a doctor but I have read a lot on the subject due to having the same concerns about myself. The steady improvement in your mood suggests that you're slowly improving and it is perfectly normal to have temporary set backs. As I'm sure you know there are two kinds of BPD, BPDI and BPDII the first being the most severe. There is a pretty good article about BPD on Wikipedia. Normally I would hesitate to recommend Wikipedia to anyone but after all the research I did on the subject, I found that the article was a rather good summary of all of the things I had read. Also if you search the BBC website for "The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive" you'll find a very useful PDF file there based on a program about Stephen Fry, a long time sufferer. In any event these sources are a good starting point and may well put your mind at rest. Obviously if you're still concerned then you should ask your GP to refer you to a psychiatrist for a professional assessment. I hope this helps, Dave 🙂