Feeling like I am going away again. Tried to meditate no help. Did one thing today went to unemployment office to get things set up. Scheduled CT scan for Friday for neck and abdomen and MRI for Sat for our head. had to reschedule therapy today thinking I had testing today. So messed up. Depression sucks boulders for sure. Hubby going in to see urologist tomorrow about biopsy. does this ever end. maybe. still hard thinking about him having cancer after we have more testing ourselves to check things out. At least no recurring breast cancer hurray but it always seems to be something. This blog is my second time writing. It amazes me to write because I can't journal at all so fearful of reading my own stuff. Maybe because things aren't as chaotic now as before. I would hate to see something happen to SO because losing Steve was hard enough. But have my kids and so glad. Losing a husband to suicide is no piece of cake especially when you are feeloing the same. That was an awful year. but it is this time of year the anniversary of his death that is difficult even when you move on it is hard. today 2008 have to remember that. Also seems that first time in so many years actually have a good therapist to work thru my stuff. Can't believe you can get dx'd with something and yet no one in your city can even help you…why even dx. Later talk on that but at least they could help with the suicidal thoughts and the depression and panic attacks and then the confrontation with our father that was big. Now wish it never happened but it kept us alive. body hurts today but thinking it is just getting older or immune system down who the hell knows but at least we will know what is up after the scans. Luther is sitting close to me today….I need to go to meditation class tonight and just don't feel like it. Not motivated. Try and come back later and write about the feelings that Dr. C wants me to connect to….that shameful place is so strong but can't connect to it I do try to find it tho. lonely bored sad today
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No arms to hold me
anxiousbunny73, , Depression, Child, Depression, Relationships, Suicide, 0
Child of the wilderness Born into emptiness Learn to be lonely Learn to find your way in darkness Who...
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Toxic Eyes
Silent_Sigh, , Depression, Anxiety, 1
I'm wired and I'm tired and I'm sick of having to make such an effort to walk in a...
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if i die
avery@14, , Depression, Anxiety, 1
if i die i would not have to feel like this and all my pain will go away i...
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Ceci N'est Pas Une Pipe
sosgirl, , Depression, Addiction, Anger, Child, PTSD, Relationships, Sex Therapy, Sleep Disorders, Suicide, Weight Loss, 1
Time has gotten thicker within the past few days, and within the past two months that I haven't logged...
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I can''t do it anymore
pinksparkles, , Depression, Anger, Child, Depression, Stress, Therapy, 0
i feel terrible for writing this – especially after my blog yesterday – but i feel ive got to...
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Trying
Bee20, , Depression, Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Medication, Questions, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, Weight Loss, 1
I decided today that I need to reach out and try to find people like me. In my daily...
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Mood Stabilizers, The Silversun Pick-ups, and Giving Up
thebadkitty, , Depression, Anxiety, Medication, Obesity, 0
So, I am smoking and listening to the Silversun Pickups (while feeling like absolute sh*t). So, yesterday was hard. ...
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11/9/20
westcoastapples, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, 0
Well I wasn’t on this weekend for a very simple reason: I’m not allowed to be on electronics if...