HereI am again….. hanging on to really nothing, I feel strange, devoid of the world around me, but earlierI was overly sensitive to some things happening in the world, like the 4 ppl killed by the pirates and the Christchurch, New Zealand earthquake. I really just can't grasp the world I live in, I've been through alot, child abuse, sexual abuse,relationship abuse,many things, butI haft to admit poverty, and betrayal, these things have left me totaly damaged in a way that is not just the past, or today, but are my future, and poverty stricken just isn't appealing to me. My councelor is volenteering her time to me so of course I feel like I cannot really put my burdens on her. Tonight I am so wierd, lonely, sort of angry, but not, i want to run, to go away, to seek refuge in the comfort of someplace far away,lick my wounds, but here I sit in the dungeon with mom's surgery hanging over my head, more responsibility for someone else, but no ones here for me.I feel so alone having lost so many ppl, tears are streaming down my face, my heart is so broken that it would surely pass through the eye of a needle. I'm barely hanging on, up and down, back and forth. I've lost my way and can't get corrected which seems so stupid, I'm suppose to be so strong ! I'm in quicksand emotionally, which I've done before, but now I'm also in quicksand finacially and physically, I am struggling to live, I am trapped in every way, I need medical attention, I need a car, blah, blah, blah, my mom is having surgery but we have no way home from the hospital as of yet so what the fuck ever ! I'm really angry at the ppl who forced me to live like this including myself ! I want the poverty to end, NOW ! My life is so worthless and you no how I no that? because the ppl who claim to love me all use me and then throw me away ! I have no value ! I'm nothing ok you saved my life took care of me through my illness, the loss of my child, blah, blah, blah but I don't need you anymore so dye bitch die !


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