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I don’t like living at home anymore. Now that my brother is gone… I have no one to talk to, no one to share anything with, no one to go places with. I never realized how lonely I was without him here. No one to talk to late at night, no one to call and pester, no one to play hours of video games with and fight over who was a sore loser.

I just feel so alone now. I keep asking him to come home. "Only if mom is nicer to Melissa."  It’s never going to happen, she’s the reason he got arrested. ::sigh:: Our mother will never let that go.

I can’t think of a perfect way to word it, the feelings that I feel. Maybe it’s because I feel more than one, but that’s all of humanity. When you’re lonely, you’re often always mad or sad as well.

I haven’t ate since 7pm yesterday. I just don’t feel hungry. I’ve had lots of coffee. I’m thinking about the cheesecake in the fridge though. I seem to live off cheesecake and coffee these days!

There’s really no point to this blog. But I do want to say something. I may have stumbled across this site because I’m going through a rough time, that hasn’t changed. But talking with people about their problems, helps me immensely. It takes my mind off the pain I keep inside, because for that moment, I’m not thinking of the RND, the depression, OCD, schizoaffectiveness, none of that. I’m thinking of that person. What are they thinking? How are they doing? Is there any way I can help them? But I enjoy knowing I can talk to these people about my problems when they get out of hand.

I guess I just want everyone to know, I’m here for you. If you talk to me, you won’t ever be alone. I’ll admit, more than half the time it’s my downfall. But that’s okay. I won’t die thinking that there was something else I could have done.

 

xx.

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