Hi, I’m a male 20 secretly dating what I thought was a nice guy. I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 months now and I explained to him thoroughly that we couldn’t be in an open relationship prior to him asking me out, so he would know what he was getting himself into beforehand. Recently our relationship has started to become more intimate , and I’ve been really comfortable engaging with him, but recently he’s been really insistent that I bottom for him. He’s a top so this isn’t abnormal; however, due to medical reasons I’ve explained to him prior I’m unable to bottom. I have no problem submitting to him in other regards but medically it isn’t a good idea for me to engage in that type of intercourse if you know what I mean. One day while we were getting intimate he pretty much tried to take advantage of me, I realized and basically told him I was done with him and was getting ready to leave when he made a snarky remark, “it would be a shame if your family found out you were gay”, I shouldn’t have but I basically pleaded to him not to put my business out there because he promised he wouldn’t tell anyone about us. He claims he won’t tell anyone if I just give it up to him at least once, he says he will make sure I’m okay through the entire process he just wants to connect with me deeper, but part of me feels like this is just some manipulation tactic. I don’t want to give in to him, but at the same time I really can’t risk my family finding out either. I’m  closeted due to my family/living situation and will be completely ostracized if anyone I knew found out about it. I want to be able to get on my feet after university before anything like this happens. What should I do? Any advice helps.

2 Comments
  1. hey-its-me 2 years ago

    Has he met your family? And if he has, and he did end up telling them, do you think they would take his word over yours?

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  2. samira16 2 years ago

    Hey I am sorry you are going through this. I am new to the tribe but anyways, this person sounds really toxic. It sounds like if you were to cut them off, they may have a method of contacting your family. I think your safety is better with him not being in your life. not only are you seeing him and thats putting you at risk in terms of your family finding out (not saying you shouldnt be with someone but be with someone who understands and respects that you are not out yet to your family), but considering he is basically ignoring your medical situation, he is also putting you at risk of getting hurt/STDs, etc. I think the right thing to do is leave him because from my understanding, he cant hurt you as much if you are not together. <3

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