I mentioned before on OCDtribe, my family is braking, and so, my world is crumbling around me, and in turn, my OCD is making survival a BATTLE. My mother who has always been the ONE STABLE, DEPENDABLE, LOVING, ROCK in my life, has turned into a rotten, selfish ice queen and all she cares about now is going out with her new trashy freinds, drinks, dances, and does Lord knows what else. Mean while my father sits at home by himself, watches tv and asks me from time to time, "Have you heard from mom?" I always remind him that when mom isn't at work, she's either out shopping for another outfit to wear on her weekend outings or somewhere else and that I DON'T TALK TO HER ANYMORE AND NEVER KNOW EXACTLY WHERE SHE IS EITHER….She comes home around 7:30-9:00 during the week-weekens, sometimes she doesn't come home at all and if she does, its not until 3:00 am, then the next day, ON HER FACEBOOK (I HATE that she has a facebook!), I find pictures of her dancing and I found several pictures of her with her arms AROUND ANOTHER MAN.
This has been going on for a while, but she just told my father that "she wasn't happy anymore," about 3 weeks ago…since then, things have gotten wierder because she gets these "phone calls" locks herself in the laundry room in the BASEMENT and talks in there….the other night, I listened with my ear against the door. My fears were confirmed…she was talking to another man…I know because she was speaking in this OVERLY GIGGLY and FLIRTATIOUS TONE, and saying things like, "oh well I guess I need someone to teach ME a lesson…(giggle giggle)…I knnow what my mother sounds like when she's talking to her idiot friends and I KNOW she wasn't talking to one of them, she was talking to AN IDIOT GUY.
I left her a note by the door, saying in big letters…"YOU GOTTA BOYFRIEND? MOVE OUT!!?…I packed a bag and spent the night at a friend's house where I had the worst nervous breakdown I've had in years…I tried hurting myself and I've never done that before EVER…Throughout all this, I have a boyfriend who I love with ALL MY HEART and my thoughts REVOLVE around HIM leaving me, and those thoughts have SNOW-BALLED OUT OF CONTROL during all this, ESPECIALLY last night. He knows all about my OCD and what my thoughts are about, and he HAS been supportive, but its been over a year now that we've been together, and I'm afraid his love and patience for me will run out in only a matter of time ESPECIALLY during all this crap with my family….I'm so HORRIFIED that I'm going to lose the ONE THING IN MY LIFE THATS KEEPING ME WANTING TO WAKE UP IN THE MORNING because of me being "crazy."
Its SO HARD for me NOT to be depressed all the time because of NOT ONLY MY OCD, but now my family problems, which are making them spike. How could ANY MAN stay with a person LIKE ME, during a time like this!?
He said that yes it is draining , but becuase it hurts him to see me suffer like this, and hear about how awful it all is…I asked him if it's too much for him SEVERAL TIMES, and he always says no….but still its not enough for me to not be scared…I miss my mom…my heart is broken…I'm terrified