So much for my "Refresh" blog.. those "high" emotions couldn’t even last an hour. I feel like falling asleep and never waking up again, but instead I’m just going to complain b/c apparently that’s what I do best:
1. I can’t even enjoy being happy that I fell in love b/c everyone around me could care less about it. All i want is to focus on being in love and to be happy about it…is that too selfish to ask for? Apparently so. Whenever I do get to enjoy being in love for a few hours, I have to come back home to a war of raging emotions and people who could care less about my happiness.
2. I live in a house with 7 people & a baby. With my two younger brothers it’s like the "Spider-Man* & Batman* Show". No one seems to care much about my other brother who keeps to himself to avoid everyone else. My sister seems to attract attention only b/c of the baby, and me.. well theres not much to say. I just exist apparently, and only when its convenient.
3. It’s unfortunate that my sister will never grow up & it may take years before she realizes what being a mother to her son really means. I’ve been the one doing everything with him lately, and I have no regrets, but I feel horrible that he prefers me over his own mother. Even when I attempt to escape to allow him to bond more with her, motherhood still doesn’t sink into her brain and she neglects him for her own selfish needs. It doesn’t matter how many times I complain that she needs to start growing up, it just goes in through one ear, and out the other. Her child’s father passed away, and she still doesn’t see the importance of being a mother 24/7. When is she going to get it? What am I supposed to do? Let her continue her ways, and ignore him? NO! I would never want him to suffer just b/c she can’t handle it. He doesn’t deserve it…
4. Why do people send me friend requests with no intention of saying "Hi", introducting themselves, announcing the reason for their request, or even pursuing a conversation? I don’t get it. Being shy, or not knowing what to say, aren’t good enough excuses for me. I’ve dealt with too much drama over friendships to put up with people who don’t care to make the other 50% effort. If you send me a friendship request, I am under the impression that you need A FRIEND to talk to, are interesting in getting to know me, or would like to ask me a question or something along those lines. I expect that you are willing to make an effort to keep in touch, and not just add me to make it look like you have more friends. I do understand that people have busy lives… I do as well, so I understand if I don’t hear from you for a few days, or a few months…but if you add me as a friend, and never even say make an effort to say "Hi" within reason of your request, then you’ve already given me a bad impression of yourself. I like to know that the friends I keep company, are worthy enough to provide a give and take relationship that sustains a friendship.
5. According to my current position, if I can still maintain a normal, functioning lifestyle within reason… attend school to finish my degree, uphold a job (when I could find one), eat, sleep, cook, clean, etc… then are my problems really problems, or just obstacles? What do I really have to complain about if I can still breath, walk, talk and see? Is there really something wrong with me if I can still maintain the kind of functioning lifestyle I live.. if only surviving on a daily basis?
6. I feel so tangled up in my emotions that I think I forget about what else I was going to write about b/c #3 was my main focus for this evening…
*Names changed for identity purposes