When I was recently car shopping, I would pick cars like Aveos and Tiburons that are apparently absolute crap. They look cute and sporty on the outside, seems nice and reliable and comfy inside but turns out total crap.

Turns out I pick my men like I pick my cars. Not a good thing. Not at all. There was this guy, I mean nothing serious just ran into eachother a couple of times the last 2 weeks and talked kinda hit it off, and he seemed sweet. Turns out, as I learned, he says the exact same thing to another girl at the moment. Soo that was fun- but perfect timing because today was the day i was going to decide if i was going to let myself like him (i know how weird that sounds but im really weird) so I didn't!

I did end up crying but just because its like every time my desicion to remain alone is reinforced. I mean I know I can't stay with someone for very long before I just feel too much pressure or need or something from them, because your supposed to be able to lean on your girlfriend/boyfriend when you need them but apparently im not good with that. But I cried because I realised I wil always pick the wrong men, and break the right guys hearts. Sucks but true.

So im not hurt because of him but because it does kind of suck when you know its for everyones best interest that you stay alone but then see everyone else kind of get their happy ending and wondering why you can't handle it, like i mentally cannot handle having a romantic relationship it weighs on me almost physicaly drags me down.

Oh well, tears are dried im picked up its all good.

2 Comments
  1. carrotflower 8 years ago

     I know what you mean. And, no, doesn't sound weird at all. it sucks to have to make the choice to be alone, and it's even worse to feel like it's better that way. i am the same as you, i can't do romantic relationships. but never feel like it's in the best interests of everyone else for you to be alone. you deserve to have your happy ending just like your friends. someone once told me that it takes the right guy or girl to make you finally want to try for something more. maybe you just haven't met the guy that gives you what you need and understands how difficult it is for you to be with someone. you sound like a strong person, don't give up!

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  2. bete_mal_fait 8 years ago

    I don't know if there's any comfort in like-minded opinions, but I go through a lot of the same things – waiting until I'm ready to 'decide whether or not to like someone,' the difficulty with needing/being needed, uncanny coincidences that seem like perfect timing, and above all, daydreaming/telling stories to myself to rationalize my feelings.  I'm sure you know this, but be careful what stories you're telling yourself – I'm really sorry this fellow let you down, but you shouldn't let yourself believe it's in everyone's best interests that your life sucks!

    And please pardon my unsolicited advice; as a Sun in Virgo – Ascendant Leo, I can't help it sometimes! :p

    But more seriously, it's brave of you to dry your tears and accept things for now; I hope that you feel better soon, and that some day you are proven (wonderfully) wrong.

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