Today is one of my bad days with my chronic abdominal pain which is shooting towards my arms, back, and legs. It’s driving me crazy and when I get like this I start to have this panic mode because I’m afraid that my body will collapse and I’ll end up in the ER again. When the pain feels like this I feel like a wounded animal waiting to be put out of my misery. I’m trying to hold onto patience in the fact I’ll see my doctor on monday to get it resolved finally but I have doubt that I will get a clear explanation or answer for what my medical condition is. I’m trying to find the positive side with the fact that I finally found a new job and I can quit my current job now since they don’t treat me with respect nor sympathy for my medical condition. Another motivation I tell myself is that I’m almost done with my undergraduate classes and have 7 more classes to complete until I’m able to get my Associates degree. I’m at war with both my mental and physical self. I’m trying not to let what happened in the past get to me since it was such a scary time but man I’m just tired of having medical issues and I really thought I was getting better :/ The worst feeling in the world is not being in control of your body and I’m told to be strong when I’ve been strong for a long time and I guess I’m just allowing myself to be vulnerable for once from holding it in for so long. I want to be able to not panic everytime this pain hits and to quiet my mind without the temptations of wanting to drink or smoke. I wish we could all be able to see each other in person because I prefer face to face interactions but I don’t think I would’ve been able to express my emotions clearly verbally without stuttering or crying. I just hope that this month will finally be the month I can find some answers so I don’t have to feel this way anymore.
Related Articles
-
Triggers
Classic_Reader, , Depression, Anxiety, 0
I'm feeling pretty lousy tonight. Past events which shall remain nameless have been triggered by a current event. I...
-
-
Intro to me: the beginning of emptiness
Sirenshope, , Anxiety, Depression, Marriage & Family, Uncategorized, Career, Suicide, 1
Hello and thank you to all who take the time to read this. This is a short intro to...
-
Am I really as alone as I feel?
Sulla Felix, , Anxiety, Suicide, 3
Is there anyone out there? I mean, really, are there people out there who are looking for real friends,...
-
Where did “I” go?
bergita, , Depression, Anger, Child, Relationships, Self Esteem, Therapy, 3
I started out a pretty girl, full of life and love and adventure. I was ready to take on...
-
OMFG I'M GOING TO SCOTLAND.
lunarennui, , Depression, Addiction, Anxiety, Child, Medication, Relationships, 0
it has happened. it's truly actually happened. i swore an oath late last august when within a week i...
-
Corrupt Legal System
anniej, , Anxiety, Anxiety, Child, Domestic Abuse, Obesity, Parenting, Relationships, Stress, 0
I finally completed my legal battle (custody) with my ex husband. I feel his lawyers wore us down till...
-
I always come back….
Mz_Unda_Std, , Depression, Child, Relationships, Sleep Disorders, 1
Here. I always go periods of time that I don't sign in here but at some point always come...
That’s really rough. I’ve been there. I’m trying to learn to love myself and not beat myself up so much. Sometimes the only people who love you are yourself and God. And sometimes you don’t even love yourself:) I hope you can get the support you need, a better job where people appreciate and respect you, and that your body will heal.
Thank you <3