Well i have made my mind up- finally!! ive decided to do the Youth Action Project Addiction studies course and move back home! im searching for a good job and a place to live right now, and it feels so good to actally know what i want and what im doing- for once! I just feel excited about the future instead of aprehensive about what lays ahead for me. Im not that foolish though, i dont expect everything to be a bed of roses and daffodils, i know there will be tough times, things i will find hard to cope with but i really feel like i am ready to deal with anything , good or bad, that comes my way. Im really happy with about the way my treatment is going too, im officially detoxing now. Ive been asked many times before to go into residential detox or a treatment programme but i just dont think that kind of treatment is for me, and besided everything is going fairly alright so i really cant complain. Im down to 40 mls a day now, and will be dropping 5mls every 2 weeks until i get to around 20mls then i think i wil probably start to feel the effects so i will go 2mls every 2 weeks or whatever feels comfortable for me when i get to that stage. Its really starting to dawn on me that il be getting my life back and im excited! im really looking forward to 'living' again! It feels good to know that il be a proper functioning member of society and to not let ignorant people have a reason to look down there noses at me anymore….i really feel sorry for such small minded people – fools.But in hind sight i suppose it was really my own lack of confindence that allowed me to to be affected by these trivial things.
I saw my counsellor yesterday. We spent most of the time talking about my detox, she is going to make sure we see each other at least once a week (which we already do) if not more. She is really enthusiastic about this and feels very confident that its going to work , but one thin she did say is that she feels that i may need some more support afterward or even during my detox and once again she mentioned NA, but this time i didnt dismiss it straight away as i did before. My friends here have really explained NA to me and told me how it really works so i have changed my views of it and now i actually feel like it might be something i would take part in, so with that, iv have decided to go to a meeting….TONIGHT! i just think that if i do need some other support and i have NA in mind for this , and knowing me i would probably leave going to a meeting untill i was in the middle of a crisis, so instead of being the old dis-organised me, im going to be the new improved organised kizzy and check out a meeting tonight! TL (time lapse) just got a phone call as i was writing this and a job that i applied for phoned me up and asked me to start saturday!!! wahooo everythings working out!!!