So I haven't really had a problem with checking in about a year or so. Guess theres been so many other things to worry about. Anyway seems like my checking obsessions are back again. Big time.
For my faithful readers who listen to me whine about my pathetic existence, you know that I have been working this past month toward getting into a 4-year school for Music Education. For those of you who don't know – well, now you do lol. I went through the audition process and passed the audition despite piles of self-doubt and anxiety. Now comes the hard part. The wait to see if I got in or not.
As a result the mailbox has become somewhat of a hangout for me. I check it everyday, multiple times a day despite the fact that the mail only comes once a day. I think to myself "I know I just got the mail, but maybe you missed a letter. maybe it got stuck to the side and you didn't see it." So I go out and check it again. Then I think "What if the mailman dropped it! What if YOU dropped it!" So I go outside and walk along the side of the road where the mailtruck comes through, checking for dropped mail that is never there. Then I say: "Okay, maybe you should try the post office. Maybe they're holding it there for you!" Yesterday I drove to the post office 3 times asking if they had a letter for me. Each time they'd say "Sorry Mike, the mail has already been through." I know that deep down inside they think I'm a crazy SOB, which gives me more anxiety, realizing that I'm making a complete fool of myself only AFTER the damage has been done.
Everytime I hear that mailtruck leave my driveway I get agreat feelingof anxiety that rushes over me like a tidal wave. Whats worse is that I know I can't open that letter. I can't. I need someone to read it to me, I'm too scared to read it. *sigh* just another one of those days. I think I'll go check the mail. again. and see if it came yet. If it did I then have to find one of my friends or family to open it for me. Such a process.