Okay, I've come to decide that my sleep does have a huge impact on my moods. Last night turned out to be one of those wake-at-3 a.m. nights. I couldn't go back to sleep, too restless ~ so I sat up and made things with beads until 6 a.m. when I finally tried to go back to sleep successfully. But it wasn't uninterrupted ~ dog jumping on and off the bed, son waking me up to come "fix" the tv at 7:30 a.m., then waking out of a nightmare around 9ish. Nope ~ not good sleep.

So I'm irritable and low today. I feel bad because all I want is to be left alone all day, and that makes me feel incredibly guilty. Sunday is a family day and I'm out here ignoring everyone.:-( But at least my husband understands. He cantell because he wakes upwhen I get out of thebed and tries to convince me to get back into bed andgo backto sleep. But it hardly ever works.

He ran to the grocery store to pick upvegetables for work, and came home and presented me with 2 Dove chocolate bars and a fresh cup ofhotcoffee. I love this man. He gets me so well most of the time. 🙂

I think I'm going to wait for the dryer to finish so I can start another load of laundry and then I'm going to go lie back down. I feel exhausted! I don't know how Aaron can live getting sleep like this as a normal thing ~ 3 hours here and there, only once in awhile getting a full night (or day in his case).

I think malaise is the best description of how I feel right now. Slow moving, lack of energy, no motivation and tired all fit into that category. When I see my doctor on Monday I'm going to talk to him about the side effects from the Abilify…and if there's something else that won't make me so tired yet give me insomnia all of the time unless I knock myself out with sleeping pills. I know most of the drugs in this class will cause fatigue and tiredness, but maybe there's something out there that will let me feel well enough to work again. That would be a blessing I think. I miss my job and the people I worked with ~ and I'm not one to enjoy sitting at home doing nothing all day. And that's exactly what ends up happening. It's no good.

I look at myself in the mirror right now and am disgusted. Abilify makes you gain weight, and even though I've LOST 8 pounds since I started taking it, my whole body is puffy and my face too. I look like a cow. 🙁 Talk about being good for your self-esteem. I know I'm not thin to begin with, I'm overweight and need to lose some of the extra packaging I've got on me right now, but losing weight and then looking at yourself balloon anyhow like you've gained 15 pounds is NOT the way to feel better about the situation.

I say all of this asI sit here eating one of my 2 chocolate bars, lol. Why is it that when women feel bad about ourselves we either eat bad things for us or starve ourselves entirely? I just don't get it.

It's a beautiful warm day out ~ maybe later on I'll convince myself to get up and have all 3 of us go play basketball at the park this afternoon. Maybe movement will help me.

I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday ~ thinking of you and hoping things are going well.

(((HUGS))) and love to you all ~


1 Comment
  1. sadviolinist 9 years ago

    Thanks Cami.  😀

    0 kudos

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