I joined this site after traulling through self help hits on google. I feel stupid for needing to look for self help tips, as I am a mental health nurse, and dish out advice and skills on a daily basis. But here I am, someone viewed as a good communicator, one who can maintain good friendships, someone giving.
Well, recently I feel I have given everything, and received very little in return I have been wiht my partner for 3 and 1/2 years, He has a spina injury and is paraplegic. He is an ex gangster-type with huge Mother issues which I battle daily. I have tried to save him, as I have with all of my relaitionships – which I can only assume is my way of screaming out for someone to save me. I have spent all my saving trying to support him to build a better life. I have given the rest of my money to other friends in need. Although, I have sat here this weekend with hardly anyone replying to me and my request to spend time with them.
As I said, I am a mental health nurse. I am aware that my low mood, constant tearfulness, social isolation, poor sleep, change in appetite, poor self image, paranoid thoughts are all signs I need help. I am reluctant to visit my GP as when I went there with physcial health problems, becuase they did not know the cause straight away they thought I was making it up and told me to get over it. I feel because of my job I will be judged and I fear of anyone telling me I am not fit to practice, because it is the only thing I feel that I do well.
I am truely guilty of taking on too much at all times. I know something has to change, something ood for me, but I can getout of this rut. I can't see which peice of the puzzle I can remove/replace.
I am also guilty for giving and feeling taken advantage of when I do not receive.
Why is it that when you feel like this you only want to talk to certain people; but even if they are talking to you, you cant get out what is is you want them to know. My good friend who supervises me always tell me to seek to understand, not to be understood. I love this idea – but find it very difficult to achieve.
I'm not sure if this blog will make any sense. it is really just a stream of conciousness. Missing out context and history.