As i reach for my arm with my old trusty friend and feel no emotions. I do simply because i can't live. my thoughts darkness my soul empty and my heart motionless as i tear the flesh and arteries, i feel the cold steel within me. I remember the blood gushing out as i laughed with such pleasure. Knowing slowly im dying, slowly im going to find my peace, slowly i render myself into the same darkness again but only this time by choice for freedom through death. I remember falling to the ground in my own warm blood. I remeber a smile on my face. before everything turned to darkness. A dreamless sleep for eternaty or so i thought…

At that time neighbours wondered where i was and came to check, and at that time i thought it was so unfortonate they found me. I did not ask to be saved. Neither did i ask to be born. Death was my only solace..my only escape. i awoke four weeks later in the hospital. Angry, for i wanted to die..it was my choice of ecscaping the Evil Within me.

I was sent to rehab. As i recovered i grew strong and positive, ready to take on life…..or so i also thought….three years later almost to date..0811/2011 i feel the same evil once again calling me. ive missed cutting and seeing my blood. so far ive resisted it but how long will i be able to resist? how long until i can go no more..how long? I feel my mind slowly decaying and my body breaking as i resist.. I only want to live life. not to suffer from it. I want what all humanity wants. love, happyness and peace of mind, but those i do not get, pain, hurt, confusion, darkness, hate, irritance, anger, and suicide is all i have these days..when ill it end. i use to be a writer now i cant even do that properly anymore…

All i ask is see these words of truth through your own eyes instead of mine and know my pain for i know yours