In my last blog post I had a comment asking why coming out is important for me as a bisexual male when I am married to a woman. Specifically focused on coming out to my family. The simple answer is because I can’t fully be me and have to hide a large part of myself from them.

I don’t wear the clothes I would like to, or act outwardly how I want to. I am very feminine and even when I talk on the phone have been mistaken for a woman. Well that is if I’m not trying to hide those parts of myself.

A strong example that constantly comes up when talking to my sister and mom is religion. My sister goes to church every Sunday and we discuss the bible and god on a regular basis. The question comes up regularly why I don’t go to church, why I don’t believe in god, how did I go from wearing crosses every day to where I am now? I can’t answer these questions for the simple fact that I felt and feel that I am not accepted by the church community. I ran into a lot of people growing up who said that it was a choice and that I was sinning and wrong for being attracted to men. Over time it just wore me down and I decided if that was how I was going to be viewed I didn’t want any of it.

My mom also tells me she doesn’t understand why I stopped being religious. The closest I have come to telling her is that I can’t stand the way that the lgbtq+ community is viewed by the church and about some of the experiences I have had with people. But she doesn’t understand how this affects me personally so why is it such a big deal?

Another example happened on the camping trip. We were playing cards against humanity and I turned bright red when a card came up about sex. It was about Daniel Radcliffe  and I always found him attractive. So I am tired of hiding those reactions that can sometimes slip through when I’m not guarded. I don’t want to have to be guarded anymore.