When you have so much going on, and it feels like your going to break, yet you see others living there best life with ease. For me, I feel a deep hurt about some of the events that have been transpiring over the past few months. I have this overwhelming feeling to just stay in bed. I’m letting my life pass me by and I literally don’t care. (I mean I do care). It’s hard for me to really feel everything.
I’m in college (my second college) and I’m going to the Culinary Institute of America in new york. And lately I’ve been struggling, hard. My anxiety is through the roof. I wake up at night in a panic and Im standing next to my bed. Obviously I Have some things to work out.
I finally had an appointment to see if I should go on medication in 2 weeks. however the catch is that I either, extend my break from school one more time, or go back (somewhat) unprepared with the hopes that I’ll get help before I fuck up.
The zinger on top of a shit sandwich is that I’ve been struggling with my identity and physical appearance. I feel lost in translation. I don’t like labels, but what am I, and is there a place where I can talk to like minded people who understand what I mean.
I feel like I might identify as male, but I like the parts of me that are feminine, I like my parts, but I feel like a man? Like I should be male.. ugh I makes no sense. idk if that makes me trans? I don’t want to be a special snowflake.
Was talking to someone about what’s been going on… they mentioned Imposter Syndrome. This resident with me… worth mentioning to my psychiatrists.