I remember the feeling, when the words typed out ahead of me made me so scared… Yet happy. This was 4(ish) years ago, I was.. young at the time. When I started school this year my friend introduced me to an online chat website. Discord. On discord my friends had created a chat for our whole grade! It had gaming, voice calling, study hall ideas. I was over whelmed by those chats and calls. So my new friend made a voice call with his friends from my school.

At this time my mom really didn’t like discord. Thank god she never found out I was using it for more than just talking my school friends. At the time I was also using it for a type of online chat for anime lovers. That pulled into the world of scary RP (roleplay) and I will never get out of it through this story.

Because my new friend made this chat I felt safe. At the time it was just us. I didn’t understand why I kept having certain feelings for girls and none for boys. So I sat, crying, and told my new friend: “I think I like girls…” He was so understanding, he said he would never tell anyone. It turns out it wasn’t just me he was talking to. He was also calling his popular kid jerk friends. He told them…

Now please don’t let the fact that the one person I told ended up telling others, stop you from coming out. I knew when I told him something bad would happen. I just followed my instinct and if it was me today I would have know, but I wouldn’t of not done it. It made me me. (But back to my story)

The next day I didn’t know he had told anyone. People gave me their random handful of dirty looks but I was not popular and I was a total confident loudmouth, so Im wasn’t surprised. When I got back from school I went right onto discord before starting up homework. (By now my real BFFs at school knew I was gay questioning) A notification popped up, leaving a ring through my ears as I read the words pasted to my laptop’s screen.

Girl From My School: I think I feel the same way as you do…

I freaked out! I didn’t know what to say. This was a girl from my school that was semi-popular and had some very popular friends. Shoot, I didn’t want her to think I liked her though! But did I even like her? (I remember looking at kids from my school that night from profiles) Wow… I did like her.

Me: Really? Do u mean (maybe) liking girls?

I am going to make the “Girl From My School”‘s name something more anonymous. So from now on you will know her as Grace. So if I confuse you here is were I will try and help you out. Grace is the girl I like. She might like me now. Are we both lesbians? Shoot Im gay.

Gracie: Yah. I thought I was the only one. What was it like? How did u know?

I remember staying up as late as I could. We talked about our feelings, when we planned on coming out to our family and friends. It didn’t take long for me to fall head over heals for her. That whole night as I was asleep I tried to ignore it.

I personally didn’t think a girl this fantastic would like me as much as I did. Fortunately I was wrong. Two days later: after NO contact with this Grace (girl). My new friend from school messaged me and told me that, “Grace (the girl) likes you but she doesn’t want to be the one to tell you. Message her this weekend.”

This is were one thing, a crush, turned into a bigger thing, a love. I thought it was love of course. As our conversations deepened online we started to make it more of a thing at school. People would hate on us but we would vent to each other and did our best to ignore them. We would hold hands, she would eat lunch with me.

I told myself it wouldn’t get bigger. But it did. After 2 official weeks…

Grace: Do you want to go to the school event? at an amusement park.

I didn’t exactly know how to respond. I tried to tell myself it was a friend thing. There would be chaperone teachers. So I said yes. As the days ticked down I realized she had something planned. Thanks to this my friends and I looked up “How to kiss” and “Dates?” I figured it wasn’t something big. But on the last day I also decided to tell her I had a surprise of my own. First kiss.

If you want to hear the story of my “First date.” Please let me know. I will post the second part anyways even if people hate this. Have a great day!