AS I STAND BEFORE MY SEED, TEACHING, GUIDING, AND LEARNING WITH THEM IT MAKES ME SO EXCITED WITH JOY. WE LAUGH, TALK PAY AND DANCE.  WHAT ARE WE CELEBRATING ABOUT? I DO NOT EVEN KNOW BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD TO DO SO.  THEN HERE COMES THE ANGRY MONSTER AND DISRUPTS OUR MOOD, PUT US DOWN AND MAKE US FEEL AS IF WE ARE IN THE WAY. BUT WHY DO THAT, WHAT HAVE WE DONE? WHY ARE WE IN THE WRONG? WHEN MY SEED AND I ARE ALONE IT SEEMS LIKE NOTHING CAN STOP US FROM LIVING. WHEN THE MONSTER SHOWS UP IT MAKES LIFE SO CONFUSING AND LOUD AND TIMID TO THE POINT WE FEEL  LIKE WE ARE TRAPPED  IN SOMEBODY ELSE MIND. WE FEEL CONTROLLED BY AND ULTIMATE POWER OF MASS DESTRUCTION.  IS THIS WHAT MY LIFE IS COMING TO? AM I THE NEW WORD OF MOUTH SPONGE TO SOAK UP THE SPILLED MILK?  OUR SEED WATCHES AND YELL TO THE TOP OF THEIR LUNGS, RUN IN CIRCLE LIKE A DOG CHASING HIS TAIL. WONDERING IS THIS PLAY TIME ARE WE AT WAR? NOBODY HAS A CLEAR CLUE WHAT IS DAMAGING NOR WHAT IS HEALTHY ANYMORE.  TIME IS TICKING AWAY FLYING BY AND I STAND STILL AND ASK MY WHERE AM I IN LIFE AS OF TODAY.  WHERE DO I REALLY WANT TO BE? IS THIS EVEN ME ANYMORE? I FEEL AS IF I AM IN A LONG DREAM THAT TRANSPIRED INTO A MOVIE WITH NO GENRE NO MUSIC NO SCRIPT NO PLOT AND NO MEANING. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO ESCAPE AND AM I EVEN PLAYING ALONG BECAUSE I AM TIRED OR TOO LAZY TO THINK BEYOND THE MOMENT OF ALL THE WHAT. WHO, WHEN AND WHY . I UNDERSTAND I AM NOT ALONE WITH THIS CONFUSING BUT WHY DO I DOUBT MYSELF?