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Okay so before I get into the story I just wanna tell you something. I have come out like four times now if that seems like too many times then please leave. But anyway at first I came out as bi, then pan, lesbian, then finally genderqueer. I am going to walk you through all of them.

So, when I came out as bi I didn’t know a lot about the LGBT community. When I told my mom she just said that it was a phase and that was that. Then when I came out as pan she didn’t really understand but neither did my friends. Skip ahead to where I thought I was a lesbian when I told my mom she accepted me for who I was. Skip a little more to me coming out as genderqueer, she is trying to understand and respect me. The way I came out this time was I came up to her talking about a video and she said there were only two genders. When she said that I went to my room heartbroken, a little later she came to my room and we talked. We talked about how I felt and about what I wanted to be called. She said that this is new and that I need to tell her when she says something that hurts me. But even though I have come out that many times I am still hiding the fact that I am polysexual from her and my friends. I am also hiding the fact that I bind. I also haven’t told my dad about any of my coming outs. He has always said that if I ever get a boyfriend he will kill him, he has also said some pretty homophobic stuff. I’m also scared to come out to my brother because he keeps saying that he doesn’t care what others want or say. He says that if he meets a trans person he will use their bio pronouns. 

My mom says that my life will be harder. Which I knew already, I mean my life is already hard. I have dysphoria, depression, suicidal tendencies… I really could go on but I don’t want to. But upon all of that, I have never really fit in with people at school. I mean just a few weeks ago I was told to just talk, I have social anxiety also. But, after they told me to just speak up they started complaining about how hard and terrible their life is. But, I’m not here to complain about how hard my life is. I came here to see how many people this can reach and to tell you guys that you aren’t alone in this fight. Also, know that one day just one day it may get better maybe just a little bit better. It may not be tomorrow or a week from now it may even take a year or more. But, once you start accepting who you are however you are others will too. 

If anyone has even read this far I just want you to know that I may not know who you are. I may not know what you’ve been through, what you look like. Or what you like to do in your free time. But as long as you follow laws and don’t hurt animals for no reason, I will always accept you for you even if you don’t know who you are yet.

If you see this please like my blog. Like I said before I really just want to see how many people I can get this too, and to help others like me. Also if this helped or at least made you feel less alone would you please leave a “#” comment(ex: #dysphoriasucks) also thanks for reading.

2 Comments
  1. garfunkal 9 months ago

    Hi Sam, interesting read , good on you for being brave and honest. I have a couple of questions for you tho. You mentioned “genderqueer” and “Polysexual”? did I get those right? can you please educate me on what those mean? I don’t mean to sound ignorant, I”m almost 45 years old and when I was young there was only bi, gay, straight, and transexual. How things have changed. I only learnt what polygamy was a few years ago when my son explained it to me, thats the kind of relationship he was in, and he confided in me that he was bi. I felt so special that he could open up to me. As i’m sure your mum felt the same way. Again , it was an interesting read, thankyou for sharing xxx

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  2. Author
    5am1 9 months ago

    Okay, genderqueer means “a person who does not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identifies with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders.” I relate more to “identifies with neither” bit. I found this just by looking up “Genderqueer”. Also, polysexual is kinda more malleable. The definition that I found that fits me the most is: “A polysexual person is someone who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to multiple genders. It is not the same as being bisexual or pansexual, although all of these sexualities involve being attracted to more than one gender.” I found this when I looked up “what does poly mean sexually”. Also, you don’t sound ignorant to me, I am always happy to answer any questions. Thank you for taking the time to ask me.

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