Today I started freaking out because I didn't know what to do with myself now that we have oil for the heater and I don't have to be scrounging up wood and keeping the fire going in the wood stove. As if I don't have plenty to do all the time! But that's what's been great about having to tend the fire all the time; it'sa great excuse to not even think about anything else.

Then I spent probably half an hour to an hour–maybe even more–building and maintaining a fire to help warm up the place faster (or so my excuse was) rather than eating a much-needed meal….

To Do List–Freak out over insane fears–check, check, check, check, check, check, check…. Build unnecessary fire–check. Tend unnecessary fire–check, check, check, check, check. Feed dogs–check. Cuddle cats–check, check, check… Feed cats–check. Take walk in the moonlight–check. Obsess over finding a middle name for my new cat–check. lol Flap hands, rub face, clasp and unclasp hands–check, check, check, check…. Tell dogs I love them and good-night–check, check, check, check (I'm serious!). Make sure I pulled doors shut tightly (including the door of the woodstove)–check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check…. You get the picture….

I drive myself crazy!!! Oh, yes, and check to make sure the cats are alive…. No, she just died on my lap and I didn't notice! *rolling eyes at self again* Man, I'm insane! Make sure the stove pipe isn't falling down–I got this insane fear that it wasn't going to come out and fall onto the cats while hot flames came up out of it…. I checked it later when the fire was out; it's solid.

I apologize if any of these things I mention are triggers for anyone. I've heard people talk about triggers, but I don't really understand it because if I read/hear about someone having certain obsessions it doesn't really bother me. If anything, it seems that if I talk about it or if I read about other people going through things it only serves to help me get past the obsessions…. I guess I'm looking to see if others are the same way or not.