I find myself wondering what is wrong with me once again. I know I have my issues, but what baffles me is my ability to attract broken women like a magnet. No matter how I meet them, what we bond over, or the type of relationship the women in my life seem to be somehow toxic and unhealthy for me. Women I have loved, women I am friends with, and women I was raised with; the ones I end up becoming closest to are the ones that carry the most pain, and that pain ends up on me as well. Being there for them, listening to their hurt, and wanting so much to help them I end up feeling helpless, lost, and useless. Is it something about me that draws these lost souls to me, or am I somehow subconsciously searching them out? I don't know how I can ever be in a healthy relationship when it seems like every woman I ever meet is toxic or unable to be in a stable, sane, supportive relationship. And worse than not being able to help them is having to watch as some of them self destruct further through drugs, abusive relationships, or self harm. These things weigh on me, and I feel myself being dragged down along with them. I want to help them and be there for them, but I fear if I continue I will lose myself in the process. And if they need me and I am not there, how will I live with myself after? So many of them have lost faith in men; been mistreated, abused, victimized, or tossed aside. I try to build them back up, try to show them that not all men are alike. I try, and sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I am able to help her heal, and I get to see her face the world again with strength and optimism. Even then I feel a sadness, because in doing so I gave her the strength to leave me behind. I am soon forgotten and alone until the next poor soul finds me, or I find her…


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