Depression has run in my family, and I have been treated for it for many years. Despite the highs, lows and in betweens.. it's always like a subtle fragrance hovering. Over the years, I've taken active approaches in maintaining.

It is irrelevant, truly of what is on the outside. Income, successes or achievements. I look at all the great blessings and still it can't be neglected. After this many years, you just recognize it and do the best you can. Two years ago, we left Vegas. I left a great job and we cared for my father full time as caregivers here in Florida. I got my father sober after 40 some years of his being an alcholic, got him eating well, walking again after a stroke. In the last few months moved to the Gulf, a very lovely place..and husband found work here. I'm looking around, trying to get back on my feet..and thinking.. "where am i?' It's a giant adjustment from cities like Vegas, and Nyc.

Yes, that alone… caregiving…is a life situation that will be of tremendous impact on your health, on all levels. It was demonstrative and tough. I managed to paint a bit here and there. Get myself to yoga. But, putting life on hold for a year I lost my groove. And adjusting once again. Through caring for a parent, you see so many dynamics in the self and in how we apply thoughts and our view on the world. It's that "oh crap! i got that from my dad" moments, etc.

Valueable, for growing.. but painful as well. I was off my medication and how I managed I have no idea. It didn't make anything better. It was just a tough terrain and I didn't have the luxury of time to recognize it. Yoga, has been so instrumental and helped. Prayer. And I've been a student of all faiths, spiritualism, etc since I was probably 10 years old. I'm even a certified Reiki Master.

In a new place, have to find a new doctor. Husband is working and I have been doing some part time art. But, my inspiration, well has been dry. It's a whole new shifting, and transforming going on. I can't lose hope. Easy to type that in a blog, when you do come into the grips of that hopelessness.. Yet, surprisingly I found myself here on this forum.


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