I can't help the sadness that has consumed me since Tursday of last week…my cousins Steven and Dana have called in hospice for Dana…she's only 24. She and her husband, Steven, have been going to North Carolina from Georgia to a hospital there because the cancer is so rare. It's only seen in children.
I don't want to take away from Dana but I'm having a very hard time dealing with all of this. I'm in college now and I'm having a hard time focusing and getting work done.I called my parents this afternoon and told them how I was feeling and that I was having a hard time concentrating. They just blamed my medications and told me not to let it bother me. HOW THE F*** AM I SUPPOSED TO GET ON WITH LIFE???? A girl I treat like a cousin is dying. She's only 24 for God's sake!!! I'm beinging to feel angry and that didn't help me when my grandma was suffering from terminal cancer. But how else am I supposed to cope and deal? I don't know how to cope…I just don't.
I'm having bad thoughts of how I could cope…self harming thoughts…if I told my parents that, they'd probably through me in a hospital. I have no one to talk to…I don't want to talk to my cousin, Steven, about my bad thoughts. That wouldn't be fair to him and we haven't been that close. Plus he has enough on his plate with taking care of Dana.
I just need to talk but I don't know where to go or what to say…what do I say that doesn't make me sound like a selfish a**?
I chatted with Steven a bit on fb…he said not to be angry and that Dana is confident in where she'll go after she passes…wow that's hard to type…
I just don't know how to be at peace…or if that is even attainable.