There are so many things I’d like to say to you.Actually, I’d scream them at you if I thought screaming would make you listen and actually absorb what I’m saying.

But I know it won’t.  People like you live your entire life rationalizing your behavior.  Most often, you justify hurting people because it’s not “your fault” they “took it that way.”  Another peeve of mine is the old “it’s not personal, it’s business” axiom you toss out.
 
 
What’s at the heart of business, I ask you?  People.  When you’re making a strategic move, you’re taking actions that affect PEOPLE.  And it’s pretty damned personal to them!
 
 
I’m messed up.  I know that.  I have anxiety issues and chronic depression, among other things.  And I have lots of reasons to explain how I got this way, but none of them matter right now.  My point isn’t to explain why I’m messed up.  It’s to explain that I know I am messed up.  Which, in my book, already means I’m much healthier than you are.  BECAUSE YOU’RE MESSED UP TOO!!
 
 
That’s right.  I’m calling you out, Buddy.  I witnessed your ups and downs.  How one day you could be full of life and light and ready to conquer the world and yet, the next, you’d be glum and glowering at your laptop.  How you grumbled about what a lousy husband you were but, when given chances to hand off work to other capable colleagues, you refused to do so… which kept you working the same hours you blamed for you being a lousy husband.  (Nevermind the fact that the woman you married knew exactly what profession you were going into when she married you and had no right to gripe about the hours unless/until she was ready/willing to give up being a housewife and help support your family… but I digress.)
 
 
The most hurtful things had to do with you taking me for granted.  Time and again.  You’d assign me task upon task upon task and then tell HR you didn’t understand how I could be so busy but, when I’d delegate work to other assistants, you’d freak out because it wasn’t done exactly how I’d do it and, therefore, not to your liking.  At one point, you actually told me not to let one gal even touch your work.  You never backed me with HR when questions about my former daycare provider’s screwy and random illnesses were raised.  You never backed me when I had to stay home to care for my little one.
 
 
I know I’m not always the cheeriest person to be around.  Hell, I’ll admit I can be quite morose when I allow myself to wallow in my illness.  If you talk to people who work with me now, I think you’d find I can actually be quite pleasant… caring… helpful… And I can also be facetious and irreverent.
 
But I rarely snap at people.  It take a lot to piss me off to that degree.
 
 
And I am not a rabid dog, dammit!!!  I don’t go randomly attacking people.  And I am sick of carrying the burden of our failed working relationship.  Maybe I did take things too personally but tell me this: if you were totally innocent, what would there be to take personally?
 
 
Didn’t anyone ever teach you that communication isn’t just about the words you say – it’s also about non-verbal cues and the tone of your voice?
 
 
You’re every bit as “nuts” as you accused me of being.  I'm getting treatment.  Are you?  Or does your "therapy" still come from the liquor store?
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