Hi everyone, or anyone for that matter since this is my first post and I'm not really sure how this thing works.
It's the middle of Hurricane Sandy and I'm at school at Penn State University, alone in my dorm room. I originally went with my roommate to her sisters apartment to shack up for the storm but when I got there I started feeling uncomfortable and having a bit of a panic attack and all I really wanted to do was come back here, get some good comfort food, nap, and casually study.
At first, I felt great about it, now not so much. A tightness has appeared in my chest, I had trouble slowing my heartrate before, and I just feel stuck. I've been battling depression/anxiety here at school since I moved in, just because I miss my fantastic home life and the easy-going nature of my senior year. I miss my friends and dad and puppy and I'm having trouble finding anyone to talk to.
I can talk to my dad, but recently I've been much better, no anxiety, no insecurities, nothing. And now, since the weekend, my feelings have come back. I assume its related to my PMDD which makes me have horrible anxiety and depression two weeks before my period. Its hell. I don't know why this is happening to me because I was finally LOVING it here, and now I'm back to square one.
All I want to do is sleep away the day. I feel like every decision I make is the wrong one because I act out of emotion in the moment of my panic attacks. Lke tonight I barely even remember making the decision to come back to the dorm. One second I was chillin with my roommate at her sister's apartment, all set for the night, and the next I was packing up to leave randomly. And she seemed mad or upset and I want to text her and tell her sorry for leaving but I don't want her to know how mentally fucked up I am. Even though she probably already knows. IDK. I need to talk to someone honestly, which is why i joined this thing.
We'll see how long it lasts.