Ever wondered why some people in this world can justdo things they shouldn't and never think twice and then others constantly relive what they did?
I have a bachelors degree in psychology and have been a social worker for over 11 years. I have always been known as "by the book". I think that it was easier for me to do things correctly then to constantly second guess and question whether I did the right thing. You seealthough I have never been diagnosed with OCD however I have been plagued by it from a very young age. In fact I remember my first "confession" so to speak. I have a form of OCD called hypermorality. Yes you heard me right….I have constant guilt that makes me want to shout from the roof and say "I did it"! Weird, probably not for those with OCD because we live in a similiar mindset. I found Christ in 2006 and had been doing very well. My thoughts seemed to go away from "if you don't touch the mailbox someone will die" to "you have no control over who lives and dies". However it doesn't mean that I stopped the rituals I justlearned to redirectthe intrusive thoughts. Some days are better than others. I have been unemployed since May this year. Partly because I stood up for doing right and the company I worked for didn't appreciate that. Don't get me wrong, I was bullied into doing something wrong and have lived with that guilt. Ieven went as far as to reportthe situation to the companies HR department.However I need to surrender that guilt because I have repented and been forgiven by my God who is almighty and all powerful. You see I am now living with condemnation from Satan. Yes, you heard me, Satan. I am a devout Christian and should not be facing this but I am. So now I have to tell myself that we are all humans, we make mistakes, and God forgives me when I repent. I am no better than God so why should I not forgive myself? Of course being diagnosed with Crohn's disease doesn't help because the stress from the OCD guilt doesn't help the symptoms of my Crohn's disease.
Today I have received lots of encouragement from my fellow Christians. I feel pretty good and was able to eat something without running to the bathroom.
If you decided to read this you have learned a lot about me in a short period of time. I welcome comments but remember…I have the guilt riden OCD and don't need extra guilt so like you learned when you were younger, if you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all.