today there was the school dance. I hate loud noises and the music was overwhelming. I hate seeing everyone else being happy and my friends try to cheer me up but it just has the effect of making me feel like I don’t deserve them. I shouldn’t be near nice people because I destroy everything I touch. I’m just a constant disappointment to everybody, I don’t deserve to be surrounded by people who care about me. I’ve never done them any good. I’m just manipulative. Clingy. The weird one. The freaky one. I don’t like the mask I have shaped around myself. I can’t break out, because if they leave me then I’ll be sad and if they stay I’ll feel worse for making them stick around a person like me. I wish I lived by myself so at least I could slowly disappear. No one would even notice I was gone, and if they did, they’d be happy to have one less chore in their life.