today there was the school dance. I hate loud noises and the music was overwhelming. I hate seeing everyone else being happy and my friends try to cheer me up but it just has the effect of making me feel like I don’t deserve them. I shouldn’t be near nice people because I destroy everything I touch. I’m just a constant disappointment to everybody, I don’t deserve to be surrounded by people who care about me. I’ve never done them any good. I’m just manipulative. Clingy. The weird one. The freaky one. I don’t like the mask I have shaped around myself. I can’t break out, because if they leave me then I’ll be sad and if they stay I’ll feel worse for making them stick around a person like me. I wish I lived by myself so at least I could slowly disappear. No one would even notice I was gone, and if they did, they’d be happy to have one less chore in their life.
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Hello hahaidkwhattoputhere, what do you want me to call you? Do you have a nickname that is shorter than (haha…). Well, my name is Iris and I read your message and I know you’re here and I do care. So there is that., plus we’re both breathing and awake and still above ground..:
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I’d say this is worth sharing a smile, right? I do know what it feels like to feel sad and alone. But you are not alone here, I see you and feel your pain. Just know that you’re not alone okay? Things will get better, things will get better!
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Maybe find someone or something you love like a cat or a friend or a dog… and give them a hug. The great thing about hugs is you can share them : 🙂
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Now I am going make some tea and curl up with one of my cats and a book. Who knows, maybe I’ll nod off for a short nap…. I’ll be looking for you in my dreams okay, i’ll be the drowsy girl with the messed up red & brown hair okay?