I am so tried of boring weekends doing nothing and bening depressed fell like just ending it ……….. sometimes but I have a son who keeps me alive.  I fell like No one really wants to be my freind smy so call BSF is so wraped up in her stupid boyfreinds to even to come by and say hi anymore……. I am so lonely.

  I can not even get privacy my stupid mother is leaving with me due to the fact she has no PG&E because she did not oay it and my brother had diabtes he is only 8 so she needs to have PG&E. I fix everyone eles problems but, I am always left to fix myself. I whish I could kill my mom sometimes or really hurt her so she can see how hurt I have been by her she taught me every negative thing I do………… I do not want to just blame her becasue I am a grown Woman but most of everything I know I taught myself what si worst she calls herself a good mother…….. I am angry I whish could would give me a second cildhood so tried of leading my life.  Having a childhood is so important but me I never had any freinds since, we moved all of the time moving from hotel to hotle and…….. when we settled down I was so ashmed of my backgorund I lied about everything to my freind it wa sickening…..  I am so tried of being me . Why was I bored curesed? I am so tried of trying………… want to give up. The prbolem si I brought somone into theses world I should have never did it what was I thinking …………. I was born cursed some ppl lead good lives and other no nothing but pain……… I want to be happy I am trying everything nothing works lead me to belive maybe God does not want me to be happy…….. maybe I should jump already what teh point I am just a burden to my husband who does not belive in depression…….. he tells me I am weak but, he only knows half of what I have gone trhough tried of felling damaged