Day two in the Non depressed House.
1. I had my karate retake which I just about passed. Thank heavens for that. Scraping a pass in that thing is honestly the best thing that has happened to me in this week.
2. Heard from my friend. He has failed college but is otherwise ok. I think he'll turn up at volunteering in his own sweet time. He also has a job lined up and an interview to get (back) into college. I know. I shouldn't worry so much about other people. But he's a mate….and…you know…..
3. I retook the psychological questionnaire thing that my doctor gave me and passed it. I am officially not depressed but am suffering from work based stress (good thing I'm going to quit). And anxiety. Which might actually be justified if you read some of the other rants I've put on here.
4. And so we reach the family holiday. I was originally going to Spain, something which the medical help, various friends and someone I met in the street praised me on for having an idea for myself which would seem like a miracle if people on here had met me this time last year. Except I didn't get it. Which was nearly not a problem. I say nearly because I had found a friend who wanted to come on a surfing holiday with me. I had found a hotel. The hotel had available and reasonably priced rooms. Budgeting had already been done (from planning for Spain to the extent that I had money left over for extra plane flights). I had texted my friend who seemed on board. So I started filling out the booking form, in order to go on holiday with my friend of 10 years.
Only to receive the news that she was actually unable to come away as she had already made plans with her own family.
Understand this, I am not pissed off because she has her own plans. Good luck to her. No. I am pissed off because having had ideas for what to do for myself , which is nothing short of a miracle from a recovery point of view,I am currently stuck with a great fat nothing to do with my summer. I am pissed off because my family have taken it as a personal insult and are now talking about cancelling their holiday as the net result of my having had an idea for myself. I am pissed off because they have taken it as though I am actively trying to mess up their holiday. Which from all of the things I have just told you I am sure that you can make your own minds up about.
My mother thought that my father was going to change the booking.
A monkey that hasn't met my father could have told you that that is never going to happen in a million years.
So. Aside from the whole let down of not having anything to do and my father taking it as an insult and possibly wrecking the whole family holiday (unintentionally).
So yeah, that is the story of how I wrecked a family holiday by looking for independence and having independent thoughts. If he actually does cancel the holiday I'm booking a checkup with the doc. Like…an actual emergency one. If I don't book one tomorrow.
And I am bored. Bored because of the way that this family sorts things out. I literally feel like there is a lump in the middle of my chest right now of panic.