I’m having a hard time today. I feel weak today. Today is one of those days where I want to give up, but I won’t.
I have people giving me advice left and right, but most of those people don’t understand what I’m going through. They’re going through shit too, I know…my past is just stabbing a knife in my present, exposing all the old blood I’ve tried to avoid. But now it’s here, now it’s out in the open in my mind for me to obsess over.
It’s easy for someone to say “Not all men are bad.” I know not all men are bad, some are nice and considerate. But the one’s I’ve grown up with weren’t that way. It’s easy for someone to tell me how to fix my trust issues, but it’s my mind and I can’t change my thinking-patterns overnight. It’s so easy for people to see me as the villion, but that’s only because I was raised by one.
I got my tarot cards read today. They were pretty accurate, and it got me thinking about a whole bunch of stuff. The cards told me to let go of the past and move forward. They said I have challenges ahead of me and life is going to test me but I have to stay strong. It’s easy to say I’m going to apply all these positive things to my life and work on myself, but the truth is, it’s hard not giving up on myself when I fall because I fall a lot. It’s difficult to get back up when someone has knocked me down.
I have to remember my inner strength. I have to let go of all that nasty negativity and realize I’m safe now, no man is ever going to hurt me again. Just because some did, doesn’t mean all will. It’s so hard to believe that when I look at the news and see a new celebrity accused of molestation and rape. It’s all around us and it scares me, but I can’t let it control my life.
Today isn’t even half way over, but I’m determined to change things so they’re in my favour. Do things that make me happy. Stop judging my emotions, love myself.
Please stay positive, everyone.