hi, person reading this

The past few days have been pretty shit. A lot of depressed thoughts, anxiety attacks, bad mood triggers. On Monday I had a day off because of pentecost/whitsunday, so I just chilled at home. On Tuesday I should have been at school till 14:30. Well, I havent. In the morning I was late for my first class, the teacher was mad, put me in this group to work with. She checked on us like 30 minutes later. I dont know why, but that morning I couldnt focus, I couldnt really join in. So I just listened, said a few things when they asked me. The teacher needed to ‘compliment’ (she was sarcastic) for everything I did so far for the group assignment. That did hurt. Almost made me tear up a little.

Finally, that class was over. We were going to have a break for 30 minutes and then have another class. From the same teacher. Another 2 hours. That thought made me panic so bad. It made me so anxious. I felt sick and super panic-y. So I went home. But I didnt want to stay home and do nothing. So I texted my aunt, to ask where my cousin was. She is 3 and i reaaaaally love her. She always cheers me up. She was at my grandparents place. So I went there, had a good day.

Today I should be at my internship school, but all the panic attacks and stuff made me so tired, so I called in sick. I hate myself so much for everything I’ve done so far this week….

I told my class whats up tho, on whatsapp, but I did it. Thats what matters.
Im listening to the new album of Five Finger Death Punch right now, its good. Will the sun rise almost made me cry, whoops…

well, thats it for now..
Elaine