Hey, I haven’t blogged for a while and I haven’t been on the chat that much. Over the last few weeks I’ve gotten worse, so much worse. My nightmares are becoming more vivid and I can’t escape them. Time ticks and I can’t work on myself when I can’t even stand up on my own in the morning. I don’t want to go to school, I don’t want to stay home, I want to tie a rope around my neck and end the pain, the torture, the agony.

I go to therapy, but its not helping. I get so much worse everyday. I get so lonely, am like a ghost to people. No one gives a shit about me and am fine with that. If anyone tries getting close to me, they end up getting hurt. I push people away as much as I can. I don’t want anyone’s pity. I just want to end this pain and torture FOREVER.

I could run, but thats only a temporary fix. Death/Suicide is permanent and I would be going to hell anyway, I deserve it.

I howl in agony every night, I howl in pain every night, I howl for help, but no one will answer back.

What do I fear? death? No I don’t. People fear Death, death is normal. I want to die, but in the most painful way there is. NOT from a rope, NOT from a gunshot. I want to bleed, I want to feel my life end in pain.

Am addicted to drugs, thats one way of blocking the pain temporarily. It helps, but it doesn’t clinch my thirst for death and blood.

Nothing helps. If anyone says time will heal me, I’ve said this millions of times but am going to say it again.

TIME IS WHAT KILLS ME, SO DON’T SAY IT WILL HELP, CAUSE IT WON’T

ALSO ITS NOT MY STUPID HORMONES