So, I found out I have an appointment with mypyschiatrist next wednesday. like i've said before I REALLY don't like him and evertime I see him I have some sort of emotional and mental breakdown.

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I don't think I can change to another one though because he's the 'top' guy with my insurance company. ugh.

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I wish he would be like others, just give you the damn meds and go. he doesn't even listen that they aren't doing anything! can't he see how i'm crumbling away?

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I've all but given up on even bothering with trying to tell anyone. they don't listen. they don't get it. so why bother?

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i'll just slowly waste away within my own mind, maybe when it's to late THEN they'll get it. who knows…

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I also have an appointment with my doctor next week, and I DON'T want ot face the scale. please, ANYTHING but that. I don't want to have to face my weight restoration. I know i'm not near my goal weight at all, but just the THOUGHT of gaining at all, freaks me out.

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i usually do blind weigh ins….but part of me wants to know. but I know that if I do, i'll for sure relapse on the spot.

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I want to, I don't want to do this anymore. I'm worse then when I was in the heat of my disorder. so how is this any better?
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It's not.

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ugh…Today was 'okay' though the later it got, the more my body image worsened and I just wanted to shutdown.

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I still do, but I can't sleep. I never can or just for a short time. i'm so disgusting, it makes my blood boil.

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i;m dead and broken. beyond repair this time I think.

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Well, that's enough from me…sorry…..Have a good night everyone…

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