I feel the need to write today, but I'm just not sure WHAT to write. Maybe if I ramble on a little whatever I need to say will come out eventually.
Things here are rough. I have been feeling really depressed and despondent, and not much seems to help. I'm hoping that now we're getting back into the exercise routine the endorphins will give me a boost. I don't know if that's going to be enough though.
As I told many of you, yesterday I had to keep Zach home because I discovered he had head lice. I spent the day treating him for it, and picking out dead lice and nits (eggs) with a fine tooth comb and magnifying glass. It took forever! The only good thing I can say is he had a mild case of it. I have to do it all over again next weekend to get anything I may have missed. We're also having to wash/bleach EVERYTHING he's touched with his head to kill the ones that are left. With him having 2 beds that's a LOT of laundry to deal with. Ugh!
For the 3rd time in a row, I called out of work today. The last 2 times have been because either I was sick or Zach was sick, but today I just didn't feel like I could deal with it. I had a panic attack at the thought of going. I felt bad for having to leave them in a bind like that, but hopefully gave them enough time to find someone to fill the shift. Everyone is in need of hours anyhow. And besides all of that, I'm angry. For the past several months I've only been getting 3-4 hours each week, no matter how much I plead with them to give me one more shift per week or call me when someone calls out. Made no difference. As of this weekend, I will be turning in my notice. It's time to move on. I don't want to be there anymore. My husband is going to yell at me for not going today, but he'll just have to get over it. It's my decision, not his, and I have to base it on how I'm doing with my bipolar. And right now, it's not very good.
It's Friday, so Aaron got paid today, which is really good. We have bills to pay and groceries to buy. And I still need to buy the anti-lice spray for all of Zach's (and our) bedding. I'm terrified I'M going to get head lice now, because most evenings I lay on his bed with him and rub his back while he falls asleep. I don't need this!
Today is the first day since last Friday that I've been alone. It's a godsend! I feel overwhelmed and utterly exhausted mentally. The quiet is helping me a lot to find some peace.
I hope you all are well. I miss being here all of the time but I know that's not what's best for me right now. And I know you understand and I'm grateful for that. I love you all, and hope that you are having a good Friday that leads into a great weekend! TTYL…