3/11/2010 7:13:29 PM
THis is my fault. If I didn't push him away he'd be here. If I was just a better daughter. If I didn't wish for him to be better. I'm his first baby. he's the reason im here. He feels me up with hate. I want to strangle him with my cold bare hands. Im all alone. I never feel his presence. He doesnt care about me. He's left. his smile. His smoke. his fog. His voice. His hugs. His tickles. His pills. His alcohol. He anger. his love. His memories. He's left his pain. He's left his pain for me to bear with. I can't. Im drowning in this pain. Slowly drowning. It wont go away. Make it go away daddy. Can you hear me for once? Will you pay attention to me other than the bottle in your hand? Or is the little white drugs more important? What about the green grass in that box or pipe? Are you gonna yell at me again when you get drunk? Are you gonna make me cry myself to sleep every ngiht when I come to your house? Can I have just one hug? just one. Thats all I need to hold me off until I completely forget you. are you watching me? Huh daddy? Will you teach me about the "big world". You can come back. Just try hard. Try hard to come back to me and leslie. Keep drowning me dad. Keep doin what you do. I hope your reading this. So you know how much pain you put me through….I try calling you. It doesnt even ring anymore.No note. No letter. No hug. No goodbyes. you never text me back. I texted you before you shot me with your bullet. I texted you everynight all week and never once did you text me back….You couldnt handle it huh? Jail was just to much for you huh? Fuck you too "daddy". Thats all I have to say……..
fuck you too.
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